Making Humor Work at Work
The benefit of a sense humor at work isn’t only the fact that laughing your ass off turns out to be wonderful for your health, it’s the fact that people who develop their sense of humor are developing the ability to take themselves less seriously and see things from a different perspective. When your people feel safe, even encouraged, to look at things in a new way, they might find a joke, but they also might find an answer that no one’s seen before. So how do we build a culture that supports a sense of humor?
I was lucky enough to take an improv comedy class in Chicago with Del Close shortly before he was forced into retirement by the fact that he died. Incidentally, he was hoping to keep working after his death. It was his wish to have his skull cast as the character of Yorick in any future performances of Hamlet at the Goodman Theater in Chicago (you know, “Alas poor Yorick”). It was a big scandal that his dream didn’t pan out. Apparently, it’s more complicated than you’d think to get a coroner to hand over your friend’s head.
But, before all that drama, he used to watch from the bar of the Improv Olympic Theater, smoking little cigars, while a group of us youngsters took to the stage to improvise. He’d continually tell us, “Don’t try to be funny, do what’s honest and the funny will come”. He didn’t want us to focus on being clever, he wanted us to focus on the relationship with our audience which meant they had to trust us.
We laugh when two key elements are present, the first is surprise (which shouldn’t surprise anyone) and the second is safety. When we are surprised (perhaps by someone screaming “surprise!”), and then quickly realize that we’re actually safe (and trust this to be true), that’s when we release that tension in the form of laughter. It’s the whiplash from fear to safety that brings us relief, release and delight. Imagine you slip on a banana peel and a friend catches you. That sudden switch from fear to relief brings laughter. Your friend would probably laugh too; they were scared for you, but you’re fine. However, there are plenty of ways that this situation could end without a laugh. Imagine you slip on a banana peel and break your tibia, or you slip on a banana peel in front of that guy from finance whose name is either Andy or Sam and you’re horribly embarrassed.
That’s the reason that your friends make you laugh more than, say, that guy from finance (whose name actually turns out to be Sandy). It has nothing to do with the fact that he’s an accountant, or the fact that he’s the one who dropped the banana peel, it has to do with the fact that you feel safer, more comfortable with your friends and therefore, when they say something surprising or outrageous, it’s easier to remember that you’re actually fine. This can make humor at work a bit tricky. Because you don’t always have a friendly relationship with everyone at work, you may not know the correct strike zone to pitch your humor, that sweet spot to deliver a comment that tips them off-balance but allows them a safe space to land.
Imagine you and your team finish and deliver a project to an important client. At your next team meeting your boss walks in the room and says, “Great work, you’re all fired.” Now, if you have a great relationship with your boss and the rest of your team based on trust, you might just laugh at that comment. “You’re all fired!” is not at all what you expected, but after that immediate, off-balance feeling, you realize that what your boss just said is absurd. That reconciliation of what you heard and what you believe is a relief and makes you laugh (assuming you’ve recovered from that banana peel incident).
If, on the other hand, you work in an environment where you don’t have good relationships with your boss or your team, and your company has been going through a series of layoffs, the safety net isn’t there. Even after your boss says, “just kidding”, the danger that was introduced still feels very real. Maybe not today, but being fired for unclear reasons feels like a very real possibility that you now feel more acutely thanks to that comment. Sure, some people may titter nervously with relief at not being fired in that moment, but only because those people already live with an unhealthy level of fear. Your boss may think they’re funny, but for everyone else it feels more like a toxic power play.
Which is why it’s so important for leaders or anyone else who’s hoping to benefit from humor in the workplace to focus on an honest connection as well as their quick wit. The two factors support and build upon each other: honest humor can help build a real connection just as an honest connection can increase your chances of getting a laugh. If people trust you, it’s easier to laugh. So, if your attempts at humor are falling flat, instead of asking, “what do I have to say to make these people laugh?” try asking, “how can I make these people feel safe enough to laugh?” Leaders who understand that humor is not just about the surprise, but have also developed a safe landing in the form of a solid relationship based on trust, will build teams and a culture where fear doesn’t prevent innovation, collaboration and growth.
